It's a Dog's Life: A Partly Political Broadcast

Thursday, 4 July 2024 10:53

By Teddy (via Helen Stockton)

As the nation heads to the polls for the General Election, Teddy ponders the policies he would like to see introduced, as Helen Stockton, his human translator explains...

Well, this month contains the additional delight of a General Election. Now, I’m not a political animal which is just as well as I’m not allowed
to vote. I do, however, sometimes accompany ‘Them Indoors’ to the Polling Station, as it is on our normal dog walking route, and I am generally allowed into the voting booth. This is okay because I have short legs and can’t see who they have voted for, although I guess I might be able to manage it if I stood on my back paws. I wonder if bigger dogs are banned on the grounds that they could potentially breach voter confidentially.

If I was an Irish Wolfhound, for example, I’d be able to look over their shoulders. ’Them Indoors’ have to keep a close eye on the apprentice as she has a penchant for shredding small pieces of paper and she could easily swing the result of a General Election without even trying! Anyway, my contribution is usually to pose next to the Polling Station sign for a photo, so that ‘Her Indoors’ can post it on X/ Twitter under the hashtag #dogsatpollingstations. You have to get your pleasures where you can.

I belong to a group of tweeting Border Terriers called the BTPosse, and in order to liven up the election proceedings, we’ve been forming our own cabinet, so we are ready if His Majesty rightly despairs of the politicians and really lets the country go to the dogs!

It has already been agreed that I will be Minister of the Beds. This is an important role, ensuring the number and quality of the dog beds for canines across the country, and I shall take my responsibilities very seriously. Myself and the apprentice already have beds next to the bi-fold doors in the kitchen, for sun-puddling, in the lounge for... well... lounging, and, rather obviously, in the bedroom.

I reckon we could do with one each in ‘Her Indoors’ office as we regularly have to supervise her activities there. When I am Minister, it will be mandatory! So far, we also have Chair of the Comfy Chairs, Minister for Snoozes, Minister for Noms with an Undersecretary for Biscuits, Minister for Home Affairs and Barking at the Neighbours, and an Ambassador to the Humans, always a tricky negotiating role.

We shall be busy working on our dogifesto, so that come July 5, we can hit the ground running, or in my case, sauntering at a leisurely pace, reading the peemails! But whatever happens, I reckon we’ll make a better job of things than the current collection of politicians, of all persuasions, after all, we’ve got a head start on them. We are already, legitimately, barking!

More from Animals

It's a Dog's Life: World Animal Day

As autumn approaches, Teddy ruminates on the changing season and his human translator, Helen Stockton, puts it into plain words
It's A Dog's Life: Never Assume...

Teddy reveals that dogs, much like their human companions, are individuals with different likes and dislikes, as explained by human interpreter Helen Stockton
Fostering Happiness at Raystede

Could fostering an animal with Raystede offer the joys of owning a pet without the financial and logistical commitment? Hanna Lindon investigates
It's a Dog's Life: Why So Much Sport?

This year’s summer of sport has been a testing time for Teddy! His human translator, Helen Stockton explains why
It's a Dog's Life: Our Hobbies are Not the Same

Hobbies are subjective, what entertains some, may be a bore to others. Teddy ponders on his own interests, as Helen Stockton, his human translator explains
It's a Dog's Life: Our Currency is Biscuits

Teddy explains, through his human interpreter Helen Stockton, that currency transactions are not financial ones made through a bank as far as he is concerned...
It's a Dog's Life: Teddy & the Dragon

Teddy has been musing on the origins of national credentials and that the truth of the matter could be quite different to any literal interpretation, as his human translator Helen Stockton explains
Paws for a Cause

Sussex-based animal charity Raystede has been working tirelessly to improve the lives of animals for over 70 years. Hanna Prince visits its Sussex site to find out more
Kids Zone: Lambing in Spring

Tap into the super cute side of spring with a visit to some frisking newborn lambs, suggests Sara Whatley
It's a Dog's Life: Access Denied

Although he's not allowed everywhere, Teddy tells his human interpreter Helen Stockton that he's actually OK with that
It's a Dog's Life: February is not just for Pancakes

Teddy has discovered that the month of February is far from uneventful – with many special days to recognise and celebrate, as his human interpreter Helen Stockton explains
It's a Dog's Life: Cleaning Up

The annual January household clean up makes Teddy feel a bit anxious. Helen Stockton, his human translator, explains that Teddy isn't the greatest fan of cleanliness
Top 10 Garden Birds to spot in Sussex

Alice Johnson from the RSPB describes some of the species of birds you might see during the RSPB’s Big Garden Birdwatch this January
Top Tips: Keep Your Pets Safe this Bonfire Night

Bonfire Night is just around the corner. A night of fireworks and celebrations, it's fun for us, but not always for our pets.
Advertising Feature: Plan Bee

Advertising Feature: The relationship between bees and humans dates back thousands of years, so its reassuring to know that Carl Slade is making beekeeping easier for both the novice and experienced apiarist; we sent Robert Veitch to meet him.
It’s a Dog’s Life - The Quiet Life

Teddy is looking forward to a chilled out month of rest and relaxation, hopefully with some sunshine to bathe in, as Helen Stockton, his human translator explains.
What should you be looking out for in your Sussex Garden this Summer?

A Sussex garden is not only a place of beauty and tranquility but also a haven for a diverse range of captivating wildlife. We have complied a list of some of the wildlife that you’re most likely to see in your garden this summer:
A Summer of Wildlife at RSPB Pulborough Brooks

Alice Johnson from the RSPB offers her handy guide to spotting beautiful butterflies and wildflowers at this nature reserve within the Arun Valley in West Sussex
RSPCA Young Photographer Awards opens for entries

Budding young photographers are being encouraged to enter the RSPCA’s high-profile national young photography competition which is now celebrating its 33rd year.
10 ways to keep your dogs cool in the heat

From serving up delicious frozen treats to creating a ‘cooling cave’ - animal welfare experts have shared their tried and tested ways to help your dog stay comfortable this summer.

It's a Dog's Life: A Partly Political Broadcast

Share

More from Animals