It’s a Dog’s Life: Let it Snow... Somewhere Else

Thursday, 5 December 2024 09:57

By Teddy (via Helen Stockton)

With the festive season fast approaching, Teddy ponders on the vagaries of the weather at Christmas, as explained by Helen Stockton, his human translator

By December, ‘I’m dreaming of a white Christmas’, will have been trilling across supermarket tannoys since before Halloween! The extension of the festive period has become an annual feature. It’s in danger of preceding the ‘back to school signs’, in August. However, festive music does pose some interesting questions about the desirable weather to backdrop the big day.

In spite of its seasonal idealisation, I’m not in favour of snow, placing it firmly in ‘the weather outside is frightful’ category. Firstly, and rather obviously, it’s cold. If your legs are short and your nether regions close to the ground, you are in danger of receiving an unwelcome interpretation of the term frozen assets.

Snow is also horribly disruptive. As we rarely get much, we are poorly equipped to deal with it, and a few centimetres brings our transport systems to a skidding halt, sometimes literally. The dream of a white Christmas might take on a more nightmarish persuasion if you are ‘Driving home for Christmas’ and a few flakes descend! So, when it comes to ‘Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow,’ from us, it’s a no, it’s a no, it’s a nooo!

In reality, the weather at Christmas seems to involve copious quantities of the wet stuff falling from dreary, leaden skies. That’s not often featured in the songs – I wonder why! Whilst this weather is less disruptive, it doesn’t get my vote either. I am not a keen walker at the best of times, and rain, particularly if severe enough to bring the indognity of wearing a coat, causes complete strangers to comment on my unhappy demeanour, which is hardly seasonal. It also gives Santa Paws the potential for a few issues with his sleigh. It’s just as well his own furry team have commendable powers of levitation, or he too could be bogged down, and then Christmas really would be in danger.

No, the ideal weather should, in my opinion, be ‘Jack Frost nipping at your toes’, although there needs to be a bit of care in the nipping department – if you don’t want the dog warden as a seasonal doorstep surprise. Frost looks the part, but with a bit of gritting action and
some warming sunshine, transport systems still function, subject to the usual caveats. This means that the Juniors can get home to deliver festive fussing, and ideally, a few treats or a new toy for myself and the apprentice.

So let’s hope that the weather follows my recommendations, and we get a festive sparkle to our celebrations. In which case your days will be ‘merry and bright’, your ‘chestnuts roasting’ and your ‘jingle bells rock!’, but ideally not in public! Happy Christmas!

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It’s a Dog’s Life: Let it Snow... Somewhere Else

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