Sussex Celebrant, Beth Kirkham talks to Sara Whatley about her first job in a wedding dress shop, her most unusual requests, and being part of someone’s special day
Meeting with celebrant Beth Kirkham was an uplifting experience. She is so full of positivity and care for what she does it was absolutely infectious and gave me the same frisson of excitement one feels before a wedding. With a background in Events Management, Beth took the leap to retrain as a celebrant after taking a career break to start a family – and hasn’t looked back since. “The first job I ever had was actually in a wedding dress shop!” she told me, laughing. “Then I worked in wedding venues, events, major sports events, then family came along.”
The lightbulb moment happened for Beth after attending a friend’s wedding where the registrar was so awful he got the groom’s name wrong throughout the ceremony and left the whole wedding party flat. “I was so sad for the couple. I got in the car afterwards and said to my husband, ‘I could have done better than that!’, and he turned to me and said, ‘yes, you could have done.’ That was it, I suddenly saw my new pathway.”
Beth retrained from home with an online course and immediately launched her business, starting with a dear friend’s wedding. “It was really special to be their celebrant and start my new career that way,” she said. With more couples than ever choosing to have a celebrant conduct their wedding ceremony, Beth said one of the main draws for people is the flexibility and personalisation it offers.
“It gives you freedom – you don’t have to have a licenced venue, there are no specific words you have to say, in fact some couples don’t even want to speak at all,” she said.
But the biggest draw is the ability to choose the person who will be delivering your ceremony. “The mood of the couple dictates how the whole of their wedding will feel, as their guests pick up on it instantly. If they are having the best time ever, their guests will also be having a fabulous time,” explained Beth. Choosing a celebrant that totally gels with the couple will go a long way to making sure they are as relaxed and happy as possible, knowing that their dream ceremony, planned together with the celebrant, is about to be delivered.
“I start the process with a meeting or video call – I call it my vibe check,” said Beth. “We usually end up just having a great natter about totally un- wedding related things, but it connects us,” she continued. Then Beth sends the couple questionnaires which she asks them to fill in separately – very revealing! – and they talk about all the elements in a typical ceremony and decide which ones they want to include, amend or get rid of. “My creative ideas come from getting to know the couple really well,” explained Beth, who finally writes out a draft of the ceremony and gives it to the couple for a read through.
What this ultimately means is that the ceremony is completely personal to the couple. Beth suggested that when a couple have decided theywould like a celebrant to officiate their wedding, to thoroughly do their research. “There are some very niche celebrants out there who specialise in things like Pagan weddings or Harry Potter themed weddings for example – whatever you are into there will be a celebrant out there for you!” Most will offer a no obligation chat so couples can be sure they have found the right fit.
Beth herself hasn’t had too many unusual requests – dogs as ring bearers, hand fasting ceremonies, group singalongs – but once she was doing a wedding on Brighton seafront when the annual Hare Krishna Rathayatra Festival started their parade right outside the wedding venue. “Usually when a plane goes by, I simply pause and wait for it to pass, but I knew I couldn’t wait for this one, it’s too big!” she said.
Luckily the happy couple laughed and said that was why they loved Brighton, and so they carried on with the ceremony while the Hare Krishna’s passed in the background.
As we came to the end of our chat, I asked Beth what being a celebrant meant to her, why did she keep coming back for more? “I do weddings,funerals and naming ceremonies,” she said. “They work well together with funerals being in the week and weddings usually at weekends; they complement each other. Meeting someone’s family and hearing their life story is a privilege.”
When it comes to weddings, Beth said, “I love seeing the couple go through their wedding journey, and the guests too – watching their faces and reactions. You get to know the couple intensely, but it’s transient – although sometimes they stay in touch which is lovely. I also love the buzz of a live event. It’s so special to be part of their day.”
BETH’S TOP FIVE TIPS FOR A CELEBRANT WEDDING
● Throw away ideas of should and have to, there is no rule book here
● This is your ceremony, and anything is possible
● Be creative, in big and small ways. Weddings with special touches are elevated and all the more memorable
● Get ready to open up and allow possibilities with your celebrant –
the better they know you the more personal your ceremony will be
● Involve the guests and turn them from spectators to an integral part of the ceremony. Consider a communal vow or song, a game of Mr & Mrs, a surprise ring bearer (where the rings are hidden beneath someone’s chair before the ceremony and the lucky one who finds them brings them up!) or a time capsule
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